and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
