how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
