I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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