Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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