so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
not ubering you a puppy
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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