All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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