I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
