We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
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Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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