Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
