wakey wakey hands off snakey
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
