There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
