You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
