the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
