So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
