Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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