Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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