Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
