u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
