Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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