I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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