u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
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Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
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Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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