Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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