If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
