His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Randomize
