I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
No subtext here. People are naked.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize