Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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