....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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