Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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