Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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