Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i've created a new STD.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
