last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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