Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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