Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
