ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Girls should come with a carfax report
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
