I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
