just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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