at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
