she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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