If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
