By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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