I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
