We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
