I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
