He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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