he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
