yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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