Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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