Cold hands, warm shart.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
