This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
