I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
