i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
