you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
