Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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