just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
