You smell like a Billy Joel song
His hands were made for my vagina.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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