Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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