you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
