Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Vodka?
Forever.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
