I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
