No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
