You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
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I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
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My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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