I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
